The Compleat Klingon Coder

A collection of quotes allegedly overheard from Klingon code warriors

2 minute read

“Reliable” sources tell me these quotes were overheard in (or near) Quark’s bar on Freecloud (Alpha Doradus):

What is this talk of software ‘releases’?

Klingons do not ‘release’ software; our software ESCAPES, leaving a bloody trail of designers and testers in its wake!
This code is a piece of gagh! You have no honor!
A TRUE Klingon warrior does not comment his code!
By filing this bug report, you have questioned my family honor. Prepare to die!
You question the worthiness of my Code?! I should kill you where you stand!
Our competitors are without honor!
Specifications are for the weak and timid!
This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need more processors if I am to do battle with this code!
Perhaps it IS a good day to Die! I say we ship it!
My program has just dumped Stova Core!
Behold, the keyboard of Kahless! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!
You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you’ve read it in the original Klingon.
Indentation?! - I shall show you proper indentation…on your skull!
Klingon function calls do not have ‘parameters’ - they have ‘arguments’ – and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.
Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak.
I have challenged the entire quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth contest. They will not concern us again.
Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the targs they are!
Cry havoc and let slip the docs of war.

(Originally collected from multiple ‘Net sources, sadly lost over time.)

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